He was pointing a pistol at her. I stepped in between him and my mom. The gun was now aimed at me. I calmly told my father, “Don’t kill my mother.” I was ten years old.
As I look back on that night from the distance of more than five decades, I’m still sort of astonished by that little boy. He must have been terribly afraid. But he didn’t do any of the usual fear things: fight, flee, or freeze. And I think he saved his mom and maybe, in a way, even his dad.
Honestly, I think this kid—or at least my recollection of this kid—has something to teach me about navigating fear. Maybe he has something to teach you, too. And I have to say, there’s plenty of frightening stuff happening these days.
The climate is changing dramatically. In the space of a year three hurricanes battered my home state Louisiana. Out west, fires have devoured homes and forests. Reservoirs are drying up from lack of rain.
Russia’s invasion of Ukraine threatens the political stability of the whole planet. Supply lines disruptions have resulted in all manner of shortages.
Inflation is eating away at our ability to make ends meet. Crime is on the rise. The Supreme Court seems ready to repeal Roe v. Wade.
In other words, we’re just not sure how things are going to turn out. It’s scary to be human. We could use some wisdom in how to navigate life when we’re afraid.
That brings us back to ten-year-old Jake.
I did not feel courage welling up within me. At no point did I weigh doing the right thing against the risk of getting shot.
Here’s what it came to. I loved my mother. She was in danger. I did the only thing available to me in that moment. In short, love guided me through a confusing, appalling, messy situation.
Wisdom is the habit of letting love be our guide. And by love I don’t mean our affections or our passions. Instead, love is our commitment with our whole being to the spiritual, physical, moral, and mental well-being of another. Jesus called that loving your neighbor as yourself.
That kind of love does well up from within us, but we are not the source of it ourselves. It comes from God.
Actually, it is God at work in us. That’s what Jesus meant by the Holy Spirit. “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you.” (John 14:26)
Being guided by the divine love welling up within us is what the writer of Proverbs was getting at. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,/ and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5 NIV) The Psalmist puts it this way: “The Lord is my shepherd.” (Psalm 23:1)
Life is uncertain, complex, and perilous. We are fragile and will always know less than we need to know. Fear comes with this very human package.
There are various ways to deal with our fear. We can be unreasonably angry and violent. We can cower or run away or stick our heads in the sand. Or we can draw on the love that is always, already given to us. We can follow Jesus as our shepherd. Walk the path of love that he shows us.
Walking the way of love doesn’t buy us a get-out-grief-and-pain-free card. Instead, we will experience what the Psalmist describes: “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.” (Psalm 23:4)
Love does not guarantee a smooth ride on this planet. But it does free us from the tyranny of fear. And a life shaped by love is inherently worth living. No matter what.
My latest book is Looking for God in Messy Places: A Book about Hope. To learn more about hope—how to find it, practice it, and grow in it— just click here.
Thank you for sharing this most touching reflection. It is a most needed reminder of the power of God’s love that can transcend even the greatest fear. What a courageous son your mother was blessed to have. Blessings this day.
Thank you, Susan. Blessings……
I was that little boy but I was a little girl and I said, if you’re going to shoot her you have to shoot me first. My mother was pretty unlovable but I knew that he really didn’t want to kill her.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this Pat.
Thanks, Susan. She was a pretty courageous mom
Having access to these readings have really given me hope as I maneuver through a life altering betrayal… thanks !
I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been betrayed. That is so painful. Prayer ascending for you.
Love, Worship, Share and Care are brilliantly woven together with your words. I’m ever grateful for All people, for we are all made in God’s image. Powerful story line that I can relate to with the gun.
Thanks, Rodericik. Always good to hear from you
Thank you so much for this. Bless your heart. She must have been a great mother for you. God bless you and your family.
Thanks Kathy. She was a great mom.
I was often the one who intervened when my parents fought, and I never thought of it as courageous because I trusted my dad would never hurt me (and he didn’t). My dad never pulled his gun on my mom; I don’t know that I would have been able to step in front of a gun. Overcoming fear and taking risks to protect others is such a part of the Christian message for me. It is easy to say one trusts God when there are no threats present; standing up to a threat is a real sign of trust.
So true! ~well said Madeline. I agree it’s easy to say such things when there’s no threat (and to be honest, given the choice, I’d tend to avoid situations where I thought my trust might get tested in such a way). Food for thought.. thanks.
You know, I’m starting to think that just being compassionate in this tough world takes courage. It’s always risky. And you’re so right that taking that kind of risk—facing that sort of threat—arises from a deep trust.
This is really beautiful. My rejection sensitivity dysphoria got triggered recently, and I’ve been pondering how to best deal with it. This shows me a brave way through. Thanks for your vulnerability in sharing this story. It helps.
And thank you for sharing this. Your response to hurt and your reflective approach to it show me how courageous and wise you are.
No guns when I stood between my parents, thanks for naming the love, that gave us/me the courage to act. Many of us have experienced our early years in ways that no children should. I believe that that early formation has led us to be advocates for the least and the lonely, even and including our environment.
True that
I work disaster case management in a conversation with a client today she told me that I saved her life 4 months ago when she shared her situation in great detail. I could hear her fear, pain and desperation so much so that I kept her on the phone long enough for her to see a possible path and to seek some counseling. I didn’t know I held her live in my hands, As I listen to her story I quietly prayed for her and for me to have the words of wisdom I needed to help her help herself. I am humbled by the level of trust she gave to someone she has never met face-to-face. It is sometimes very scary to pick up that phone and talk to people who are traumatized, frustrated and angry by their experience and know what is the right thing to say or do that brings them hope that they are not alone.
Bless you Patti! We are so grateful for great case management in our part of the universe. There is so much want and so much suffering.