Unmended Relationships

23 thoughts on “Unmended Relationships”

  1. “When we forgive, we cast our vote for a world where broken things get mended.” One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read outside of the Bible itself. I really appreciate the insight and wisdom shared in this post Jake, thank you.

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  2. “Forgiveness – easier to achieve than Reconciliation”
    An instance of this, Jake, in Christchurch, New Zealand. The Terrorist, whose Mosque shootings in Christchurch, found him in Court recently, facing the families of those killed by him, was only visibly moved when a Muslim woman said she forgave him! This act of forgiveness might yet become an opening for his eventual expression of penitence (and absolution?) But at what a cost for that woman who lost her son at the hands of his killer? Jesu, Mercy! Mary, Pray! for us sinners.

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  3. Thank you for this insightful blog that vibrates the human soul, Jake. Upon reflection, I was immediately transported to an event in my life, 54 years ago. I posted the following on my LovesIntention and personal Facebook page:

    Nearly 26 years old, self employed and living at the San Diego YMCA, I had recently purchased a Honda 250 motorcycle. On the afternoon of April 16, 1976 I approached a traffic light controlled intersection when suddenly a driver in a pickup truck made a left turn immediately in front of me. I only remember thinking, “this is it, I’m going to die”. Instinctively, in an evasive maneuver, I laid the motorcycle down to my left, sliding on the pavement. Within seconds, my right upper body made impact with the pickup truck’s rear bumper. No life threatening injuries, but life altering right arm flaccid paralysis. Permanent. The offending pickup truck driver and I never met, and I don’t think I expected him to visit me in the hospital. It didn’t occur to me that he might express an apology for “failing to yield”, which the police cited him for. Until today, 54 years later, the thought to forgive him never emerged from my consciousness. Maybe wiser, maybe more compassionate, maybe forward thinking to eternity, but today my heart’s spirit releases his wrong on earth, and wishes him well.

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  4. When there is no reconciliation before death, my hope is that once the non-repentant person is enveloped in God’s eternal, glorious love, s/he realizes the mistakes made during his/her life and sends unconditional love to those who were harmed. I hope you can see your father transformed, and that you can receive unconditional love from him.

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    1. We share that hope, Madeline! For me this is a long-held theological and philosophical principle. I admit that it remains a deeply held belief and yet, in this case, not an emotional experience. I don’t say this in bitterness or in disappointment. On the contrary, it really is a source of hope and peace. I will gratefully take what the Spirit has given me and, with God’s help, be open to more if it should be given. Always good to hear your thoughtful reflections!

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  5. We have an ongoing family issue that I carried around as my fault because my relative told me it was. I tried many times to “fix it.” At a peaceful retreat at Camp Hardtner one year, I was able to stuff all my guilt in a rock, walk to the end of the pier, and toss it into the pond. I pray for reconciliation one day, but I’m comfortable now. Thank you for your words.
    (Writing this quickly before our internet service goes away. Hurricane Laura has made me feel very isolated. BUT this too shall pass!)

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  6. I had a mother who stopped bonding with me at six weeks of age. I learned after she died, that she had blamed me for my father’s death when I was six weeks old. He had fallen asleep coming home from work. He had cared for me and was sleep deprived. She married when I was one. Her behaviors towards me were mirrored by him and my three siblings. I remember the day I forgave her I had this hope that my forgiveness was so powerful and she would love me. That hope was never realized. After she died I had a hope my dad would want a relationship with me. I regularly called him, but he never called me. I suggested to him that he would call me next. He called me 19 years later. I took him to doctor appointments one day. That evening, I asked him if he was amazed that I didn’t hate his guts. He told me that he was surprised. I told him that I had forgiven him a long time ago. I asked him if he died that night, “where would he go?” He admitted that he wanted to go to heaven. He always mocked me for believing. Anyway, I led him to the Lord. He lived one more month. God healed my heart. God resurrected a new man in him. I witnessed a new creation in my dad. If I hadn’t forgiven him, I would never had such a time and might not have made it to the Gates of Heaven.

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